so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
its liver damage thursday
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
