I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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