i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
