Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?

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(704): the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer? http://tfl.nu/buzt

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(703): View more from Virginia

i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore

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(703): i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore http://tfl.nu/70pj

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?

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(603): could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt? (1-603): you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call? http://tfl.nu/6h21

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(903): View more from Texas

Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

Me specifically?

(903): View more from Texas

Yep.

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(903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.

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(201): I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself. http://tfl.nu/c8lm

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(479): View more from Arkansas

They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.

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(479): They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless. http://tfl.nu/hmfp

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.

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(781): his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me. http://tfl.nu/jba1

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(847): View more from Illinois

He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned

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(847): He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned http://tfl.nu/f6cf

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(801): View more from Utah

Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?

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(801): Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman? http://tfl.nu/4t4b

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

How did you break your hand eating pizza?

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Boxes are hard to see rocks through.

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(603): Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza. (1-603): How did you break your hand eating pizza? (603): Boxes are hard to see rocks through. http://tfl.nu/kquz

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(804): View more from Virginia

Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.

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(804): Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat. http://tfl.nu/9gr0

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(772): View more from Florida

Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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(772): Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish http://tfl.nu/fyel

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(517): View more from Michigan

my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.

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(517): my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win. http://tfl.nu/1toi

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(904): View more from Florida

Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.

(1-904): View more from Florida

I told you to check, dude

(904): View more from Florida

Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.

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(904): Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday. (1-904): I told you to check, dude (904): Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out. http://tfl.nu/ef5z

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(469): View more from Texas

So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.

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(469): So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride. http://tfl.nu/8ytz

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