Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?