that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?