I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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