Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

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  (425): he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!" http://tfl.nu/83kf
  Replies (22) Good night (1552) Bad night (11739)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?

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  (724): dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....? http://tfl.nu/b2i2
  Replies (22) Good night (1171) Bad night (10928)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.

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  (502): I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me. http://tfl.nu/3nq2
  Replies (6) Good night (1009) Bad night (3750)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.

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  (832): He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point. http://tfl.nu/zypj
  Replies (21) Good night (8589) Bad night (1195)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.

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  (216): Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades. http://tfl.nu/zsau
  Replies (10) Good night (3721) Bad night (1060)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.

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  (507): I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk. http://tfl.nu/xqiq
  Replies (11) Good night (3408) Bad night (850)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...

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  (605): His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life... http://tfl.nu/cy2e
  Replies (5) Good night (1198) Bad night (2965)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.

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  (817): It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart. http://tfl.nu/sgc5
  Replies (19) Good night (2461) Bad night (1066)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.

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  (770): Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station. http://tfl.nu/w23s
  Replies (7) Good night (1270) Bad night (899)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.

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  (214): Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas. http://tfl.nu/qczi
  Replies (7) Good night (1209) Bad night (561)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.

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  (336): You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that. http://tfl.nu/r9t5
  Replies (7) Good night (674) Bad night (485)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...

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  (814): My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away... http://tfl.nu/ltxy
  Replies (4) Good night (726) Bad night (505)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.

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  (601): I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8ven
  Replies (3) Good night (561) Bad night (385)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum

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  (989): Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum http://tfl.nu/sqi2
  Replies (1) Good night (848) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here

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  (817): So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here http://tfl.nu/xdeo
  Replies (1) Good night (144) Bad night (186)

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