I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"