thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.