Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
