Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
