dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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