so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
