my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
