Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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