why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??