You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar