I accidentally had phone sex last night
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.