every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.