hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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