dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.