I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself