Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
