If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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