Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you traded sex for a burrito?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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