I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
