Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
