Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
