Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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