so that wasnt chicken after all
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
