just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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