my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
being pregnant is like rehab
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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