Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
