i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
