How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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