They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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