Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
