u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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