I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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