You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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