It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
