Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
