My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
