Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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