if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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