Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
