he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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