my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
