Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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