My Higher Power is John Stamos
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
