dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
