You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
