OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
