what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
