I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
