I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
