Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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