I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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