so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
