it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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