woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
