Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
