her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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