i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
