just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
