Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
