Betty ford says i'm here all night
what day is it and did you see me today?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
