I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
